the HAES files: loving your body won’t kill you, but being targeted for a curse might

by Health At Every Size® Blog

by Deb Burgard, PhD

If you haven’t read Jess Weiner’s article in Glamour, “Loving my Body Almost Killed Me,” go do it now and then come back so we can discuss it intelligently.

Back? OK.

I met Jess earlier this year at a couple conferences where she spoke.  I like her.  She obviously has the right to do whatever she needs to when it comes to taking care of herself.  She says she feels better doing these practices (eating less processed food, doing water aerobics, going to therapy) than she felt before, so that is great.  These practices, for her, appear to be associated with medical tests results that are solidly normal (instead of mostly normal – but hey, that is a meaningful difference to her).  She describes the triggers for her doubts and they were experiences of weight stigma.  So I can understand her wanting to be thinner.  Most people want to experience less weight stigma and that is a healthy thing to want.

She got worried in the first place because she got blasted with public humiliation by the lady in the audience who sneered that she couldn’t be healthy and fat, and then she got told by her doctor that her mostly normal tests portended diabetes.  I believe it is most accurate to describe this pronouncement as a curse (albeit delivered in a most kind and warm manner), since it was reportedly worded, “If you don’t lose some weight and watch your sugar intake, you will get diabetes.”  Not: “well, the statistics show the risk of developing diabetes in the next 5 (10, 25) years with your numbers is x,” which would be accurate and descriptive and what I, at least, expect doctors to provide as my medical consultants. 

 For the record, there is no research that shows that 100% of the people at Jess’s weight will get diabetes in their lifetime.  According to one representative national sample, for a white woman at midlife in the highest weight range (BMI>35), the chance of her getting diabetes sometime in the next 40 years before she dies is 58%.  The longer she goes without a diagnosis, the less likely she is to be diagnosed; for example, the risk falls to 35% at age 65. So Jess got a very scary medical message that does not sync with the epidemiological research on diabetes.  I do not say this to impugn her very nice doctor, but rather to highlight that even very nice doctors with great relationship skills are giving us mainstream information that may not be unbiased.

 Now here’s the real problem.  Jess seems to be equating “loving her body” with “being passive about health.”   She implies that body acceptance kept her from instituting the health practices that she has since made a part of her life.  She is saying that she almost died from “loving” her fat body.

 It is not my intention to call out anyone over her good-faith efforts to figure out how to best care for herself.  However, I do want to call out the act of equating body acceptance with a death wish.

Body acceptance is only a death wish for the weight loss industry.

I think this is a massively confusing article because Jess is setting up an equation between “caring about your health” and pursuing weight loss – and yet much of what she is actually doing is solidly within the Health at Every Size® model – i.e., finding out what food proves to be great fuel for your particular body and how to listen to its cues, giving yourself pleasurable exercise, figuring out what else you need when it isn’t food, getting help for disordered eating symptoms if you have them, and so on.  I honestly don’t know why Jess thought engaging in these practices would be somehow betraying the body she was trying to love. 

 OK, maybe it is the part about focusing on weight loss, insisting on losing even more weight despite her normal medical tests, and “exercising when exhausted.”  But more about this in a moment.

 At any rate, apparently when Jess does these practices as a whole, her weight settles at a lower number.   Who cares?  Well, Jess is worried about body acceptance activists caring, but I am more worried about all the people who care because they want to perpetuate the idea that the pursuit of weight loss is the path to one’s optimal health. 

 The Health at Every Size® model challenges this position and demands data for it.  HAESSM  is weight neutral.  Let’s say that again: Weight. Neutral.  The model addresses both the big societal concerns like weight stigma and social justice, and the choices that individual people have a chance to make for themselves.  As far as that goes, the focus is on the practices that help you care for your precious body, and whatever your weight is when you do them, fine.  Some people find they lose weight doing those practices.  Fine.  Some people stabilize or gain weight, especially if they were just coming off a weight loss diet.  Fine.  Until someone has 2-5 year follow-up data that contradicts what study after study has shown for the last century, the Health at Every Size® model takes the empirical data on pursuing weight loss and reports it honestly – it is a bad experience for most people.  But pursuing weight loss is different from trusting your body to find its balance and change its weight if necessary while you try to figure out what practices suit you, make you feel good, and are sustainable in your unique life.

So I feel really, really disappointed that Jess doesn’t seem to perceive body acceptance as including the practices that make her feel better, and that she has portrayed it that way for the millions of Glamour readers who have probably never heard of  the Health at Every Size® approach.  I feel really, really disappointed that she framed her experience of trying to love her body as almost killing her  – as if that was keeping her from caring for her body – and as if loving your body is a terribly dangerous act.  And I feel really, really disappointed that she seems to think that there is something magical about a lower number on the scale – rather than the actual health behaviors she is doing – that is causing her to feel better.   And I am really, really disappointed that she is holding up this frame around her experience when the vast majority of people who pursue weight loss find that it harms them.  I can’t speak for all body acceptance advocates, but the critique of the pursuit of weight loss is not just about self-acceptance.  It also a critique based on the experience of most people that it does more harm than good to their physical and mental health.  And finally, may I also say that by equating having a risk of developing diabetes with “almost dying,” she insults the experience of people who are actually living with diabetes. 

Jess, I wonder if your “before” numbers had been presented to the average MD as those of a thin person, whether she would have trotted out the curse.   Your lipid panel and blood pressure numbers were almost all in the normal range and if not, barely in the “could develop into a problem but not now” range.  In recent years we have seen all sorts of risk factor “sprawl” where doctors and insurance companies can tag you for being “pre-risk-factor.”  I believe your experience of being not even “pre-diabetic” but “pre-pre-diabetic” and still eliciting the curse is a great example of weight stereotyping in medical care.  As you yourself note in the article, there are quite a few fat people who have normal metabolic numbers at every stage of life.  But a lot of people, fat and thin, develop “risk factors” as they age, and, even more of us will have numbers in the “pre-risk-factor” range, creating glorious new markets for all kinds of industries.  Part of the stereotype management skill set as a fat person is trying to parse the standard medical advice, which quite often is delivered in the form of a curse rather than an accurate portrayal of statistical risk.  A curse offered with the best of intentions, perhaps, but one that sends most patients down paths of failed diets, avoiding doctors, giving up health practices when there is no weight loss, disordered eating, etc.  You yourself talk about your disappointment that you “only lost 25 pounds.”  When people tie the practices to weight loss, they are vulnerable to fatigue, hopelessness, and overwhelm.  Taking care of yourself is hard enough work as it is.  Do you plan to stop the practices when you reach your weight goal? If not, why worry about a weight goal? 

 Aside from the massive influence of genetics, class, and culture, it is the practices that matter, not the weight loss.  No one who gets liposuction improves their lipid numbers, but formerly sedentary people who get more regular exercise improve their numbers whether they lose weight or not.

 The other concern for me is that as an eating disorders specialist, I see medical authorities essentially prescribing for fat people what gets diagnosed as eating disordered behavior in a thin person.  Why should it be “healthy” for a fat person to focus on the numbers on the scale, eat in a way that feels unsustainably restrictive, exercise “when exhausted,” etc.?  All of that is quite different from trusting your body to figure out your healthy weight, eating in a sustainable way, and exercising for the pleasure and skill it gives you.  Imagine if “pre-disordered eating” were added to the list of risk factors doctors screen for!  According to my MD colleagues who specialize in eating disorders, most doctors do not even integrate the fact of a patient’s eating disorder history into their treatment recommendations because they are simply not trained to.

 In fat acceptance circles, we have been talking for decades about the pressure to be a “poster child” for glowing health if we are fat.  It’s a stereotype management thing.  In the eyes of a dubious public, we are split into “good fatty” and “bad fatty” camps depending on whether we eat our vegetables and have normal blood glucose values.  When we age and develop the diseases that people across the weight spectrum develop (yes! there are no diseases that only fat people have!), when they are conditions modestly correlated with higher BMI, we feel like we are BUSTED.  That emotional experience rocks our faith in our own experience, that dieting has left us with more physical and psychological problems, not less; and we are vulnerable to the “solution” of weight loss because it is scary to get older and less physically resilient.  We forget that these experiences of aging happen to everyone – and everyone wants to feel like they have something tangible they can do.  Pursuing weight loss is the great global cultural response to just about anything that ails you – and hey, we are all pre-death.

 I have questions for us and for Jess. Why did Jess not feel us having her back when the mean audience lady and the nice doctor lady said things to her that threw her into a tailspin?  Why does Jess worry that if she loses weight, we won’t like it, or her?  Why did it seem like loving her body was dangerous rather than the path to the loving practices?  Why does she feel like it is weight loss – rather than the practices and her own body’s capacity for healing and health – supporting her well-being now?  How do we support people – whether they have “normal” lab tests or not – and create environments that support – the practices that they decide make them feel best?

 I also have some suggestions for us.

 First of all, if you have had or now struggle with disordered eating, give your doctor this booklet on medical risk management.

 Read Jerome Groopman’s fabulous book, “How Doctors Think” and use his suggestions to help your doctor reason better.

When a doctor tells you you are “pre-whatever,” ask him or her for an actual statistical probability that someone with your numbers will develop a problem in the next x years.  When a doctor tells you to lose weight, ask for documentation of any approach with 2-5 year follow-up data showing that people maintain weight loss as well as health improvements.  When a doctor tells you that losing weight will lower your risk factors, ask if the data for that recommendation is based on actual fat people who have lost weight, and kept it off more than 2-5 years, or on the risk profiles of people who were always thin.  When a doctor tells you you will get a disease, ask him or her to take you step-by-step through the reasoning.  Would the same numbers in a thin person be grounds for this prediction? 

 And when a doctor tells you something you deem a credible piece of information, understand that your body may be becoming more vulnerable, less resilient, more dependent on your choices to feel good.  Do you have to adopt some draconian set of health practices?  Of course not – that is not likely to be sustainable.  Are you a moral failure if you react by sitting on the sofa?  Of course not – having a health challenge is not a moral failing.  Are you faced now with some things to sort out about what feels sustainable to do, in your life, for the duration?  Yes, if you want the benefits those practices will bring.  Are you going to have to sort out what you can do that won’t trigger a bunch of associations to dieting and punishment?  Yes, which is one reason why this weight loss stuff is so toxic.

 Finally, let’s keep talking about all of these struggles. I think Jess has struck a huge nerve because many people are trying to manage all sorts of conflicting feelings.  It does seem like it is  harder to talk about than it should be.  Let’s hope that we can keep talking and valuing each other without throwing body acceptance under the bus.

 Jess, I hope hope hope that this is just a brief stop for you on the way to integrating both the practices that make you feel good and the unconditional love for your body, whatever size it may be at any given time, rather than feeling like there is some tension between these two.  

 May we all have the best health possible – and may we acknowledge that those of us with health challenges are every bit as valuable as anyone else.  May we remember that the two possibilities are getting older or dying, which, you know, puts getting older into perspective.

35 Responses to “the HAES files: loving your body won’t kill you, but being targeted for a curse might”

  1. Great response to the article Deb. And it’s not surprising that just after I read your blog, I read Ragen’s blog entitled Loving Your Body Will NOT Kill You. Needless to say, a nerve was struck! Thanks!

  2. Deb, as usual, you have hit the nail on the head for the myriad issues and concerns that emanated from this article for so many of us. There are differences between terms such as “self-esteem,” “body acceptance,” “practicing HAES (SM)” just as there are relationships between those terms. For me, your post reaffirmed my understanding of how the common conflation of “healthy = good” conflicts with HAES (SM) principles and reinforces the message that people of all sizes, shapes, weights and states of health have the right to dignity, respect, healthcare and freedom from stigma and discrimination. Ill-health is indiscriminate and can happen to anybody/anyBODY.

    Thank you for this post.

  3. Beautiful response to the Glamour article! I think Glamour should print this as well to show the HAES perspective..the healthiest perspective!

  4. Beautiful, accurate, articulate, much-needed summation. Thank you.

    Just yesterday, after a return to dance two years ago at the age of 40, and after becoming stronger and fitter than EVER in my whole life (without the aid of a scale, thank you), I realized something very important that my previously eating disordered self needs to learn in a deep and meaningful way: I have hit my set point. This is the weight my body always stops at…unless I starve myself. And I am too wise and love dance too much to do that ever again. So this is it. And why does that feel like a disappointment? Because the number on the scale (I stepped on one for the first time) is not a number that a doctor would deem “enough.” Again, I am stronger and fitter than EVER…and you probably wouldn’t believe the number if you saw me…again showing how DIFFERENT each body is on the inside, how it carries weight, etc.

    Loving my body means loving this life that I am now living (and I DO!) and loving my body means continuing to do the things that are part of my positive self-care AND being ever vigilant to the warning signs that I am doing anything from my negative “self-care” past. Also…shutting out the voices of ignorance in the media and medical communities.

    And reading YOU, of course, to keep myself on this mindful path!

  5. I’m dealing with doctor’s weight loss lectures while trying to improve my health doing the Fat Nutritionist’s program and starting to incorporate movement in my life
    Not in the usual exercise spurs that are abandoned in two months, but trying to discover ways to make it pleasurable and a part of me.
    So, I’m in betwenn HAES as my guideline and doctors telling me to lose weight and restrain my food intake.
    Specially where I live, in Brazil, HAES is something not known and I’m struggling to find doctors that are even remotely tuned in with its principles.
    It’s really hard believing in HAES and not finding medical support here, but I’m still trying.
    No wonder that Jess’s article was super triggering for me.
    I don’t have an eating disorder, but I have deep body image issues and right now my BP is high and I’m nervous and doing all kinds of tests, exams and evaluations (and being giving lectures in the process) so I could easily jump to the same conclusions as hers.
    The article was a punch in my stomach, because given this pre whatever medical issues,I want my response to be different than hers and I need a lot of moral support. Since I can’t find it in the medical community, at least I thought I could always find it with my HAES friends and advocates.
    And there goes this women and shouts out all over in a very popular magazine, that loving your body is the way to death.
    I was having a very bad day regarding body image and health concerns and luckily before I went to bed some responses on facebook and other blogs surfaced and I felt so relevied!
    And now your article has helped me more than you can imagine because it precisely adresses ALL the concerns that have been going around my mind and crushing my spirit.
    For that I thank you sooooooo much! You’ve made my day!
    Love Patricia

  6. Thank you for pulling together such cogent thoughts in such a gentle, yet clear and emphatic, way. Your message is delivered with a firm kindness that – I hope – helps people hear it.

  7. I think this article also shows how both sides can misunderstand what health at every size means whether pro or con. Also the dangers of correlation meaning causation. Ms. Weiner started paying more attention to what she eats and getting more physically active where she wasn’t before and incidentally lost some weight. Instead of attributing her improved health to moving more and improving the quality of her diet, she thought it was because she lost weight. I don’t see what the point of losing more weight was, after improving her numbers to a healthy range . Thank you for the insightful analysis.

  8. Deb, you are a freakin’ rock star. This is a wonderful, kind, thoughtful and beautifully written response.

    I do not know Jess Weiner or her work. But for whatever it’s worth, I suspect she didn’t come up with the piece’s very inflammatory title — at women’s magazines, editors write the titles and subheads, not writers.

  9. I wonder how much of Glamour’s revenue comes from weight loss ads? Great post, thanks!

  10. Wow. This is amazing. So thorough, so detailed, and yet so kind and understanding of all the positions involved.

    Love it.

  11. This brilliant essay is too good to appear in Glamour, and would probably go over the heads of the majority of readers, if it were seen by them. Just the same, I wish they would publish it.

    Burgard touches on many issues close to my heart, but one in particular is worth mentioning: I am sorry to say that the size acceptance movement in general can be hard on fat people who have serious health problems and become vulnerable to taking desperate measures (such as dieting or even surgery) to deal with them. Many of us in the movement assume that such people are trying to lose weight for cosmetic reasons (yes, that is often true), and we have little patience to sort through the real motivations of the person in question. I feel that we should all be supportive of such people, even when we might not feel that they are doing the right thing. It’s their body, and they are the one that has to live with it.

  12. In my mind, one of the takeaways in the article was that if you want to see the beginnings or renewal of an eating disorder, do exactly what Jess Weiner is doing.

    It is telling that she bills herself as a woman recovering from disordered eating who seems to have completely reworked the message of HAES and the relatively benign message from her doctor to go on a DIET and workout to EXHAUSTION. And then be a bit disappointed that she ONLY lost 25 pounds, even if all of her numbers were now in the perfect range. And she now wants to lose 30 more – even if it’s not medically necessary.

    Hello, ED my old friend. (said very cynically of course). This is sad, but as Bill remarks, it is her body and her life and I hope she gets real help.

    Perhaps saddest of all – someone reading this piece in Glamour won’t probably be reading all of the comments here to put everything into some sort of context and may conclude that, d’oh! I need to go on another diet – and looky here, there’s an ad for one in this magazine.

    Jess Weiner was used by Glamour to sell not only magazines (salacious headlines will do that!) AND advertiser’s diet products. Good job, Glamour! You’ve helped me be even more confident in my decision to never read another “women’s” magazine again.

    Thank you Dr. Burgard for the terrific response to Glamour and I agree – they’d never publish anything this thoughtful. Which is too bad, but not surprising.

    Laura Thomas, MFT

  13. This is a beautiful statement: “Body acceptance is only a death wish for the weight loss industry.”

  14. Excellent response. You articulated what I couldn’t. Thank you.

  15. Thank you all for your kind and thoughtful responses. I am particularly moved by those of you who are trying to do this very difficult work of loving your body despite all the commercial interests that are desperately trying to keep you as a customer trying to “fix” it. If you suspected there was another shoe to drop, Jess has today announced her own “Conscious Weight Wellness ™” program. Imagine if we had a law that people needed to gather at least 2 years of comprehensive data before they could make money on a weight loss program!

    The ASDAH conference is this weekend in San Francisco, CA, and we will be doing strategic planning on how to educate MDs about weight bias in medical practice. I know many MDs who are miserable practicing “medicine by BMI” but are not sure what else to do. We can give people who are ready for an alternative a genuinely helpful pathway to collaborate with patients of all sizes. Eyes on the prize!

    • Hey, I’d love to learn more about what you come up with! I am working on helping peds clinics with HAES friendly ideas for health promotion in primary care when there is hysteria over BMI. I see breast fed infants who are put on diets by MDs. I’d love to be part of the discussion! Thanks for this great response!

    • Deb I would so loved to be at the conference, next year perhaps. I am currently studying masters in nutrition and dietetics here in Oz. Currently doing an anthropometry unit and was expecting a total BMI love fest and weight bashing. I was pleasantly surprised to hear that moves are afoot to firstly change some of the language around overweight and obesity here, particularly in children. Yes BMI, skin folds and obesity being the scourge of health were still mentioned but also discussed with us future dietitians is that BMI should never be used on it’s own and never as a diagnostic tool. Hoping that it reaches Docs too. There was also a little discussion around it’s limitations (many as we all know) and that this area can be quite sensitive for some people and potentially triggering, nice to know this is acknowledged. Whilst I still think there is much more work to do, I was happy that some awareness does exist in this industry known for it’s obsessions around weight and links to the die-t industry and big pharma. So glad you are all doing this work and laying these foundations because it is helping. Small baby steps but it’s a start. Enjoy the conference

  16. Deb, thanks for doing such a great job at breaking all of this down. I wonder if Glamor might print your article as well. That would be really helpful for many readers. As always, I so appreciate your wisdom and knowledge.

  17. Beautiful blog Deb. I always love your approach to things!


  18. I think what doctors need to realize is the BMI was developed by insurance salesmen, not by anyone who knows a thing about health. Putting babies on diets is insane! People are not machines, and will not correlate to a chart in regards to health. Meanwhile while children are starving in Somalia, we’re starving our own children in the hopes they’ll be saved from the dreaded fatty-fat-fat. I hope people start to realize this, before our hospitals have their own pediatric eating disorders ward, specializing in the children who refuse to eat, because of all the messages telling them that eating = death.

  19. Great common-sense response. I have never felt HAES was anything but finding our own way to nourish and move our bodies in a way that is doable, joyful and in doing so improves our health. For me it has always been about health. How can we truly love our bodies and our minds if we don’t include health in that frame?
    The sad thing for me is that some of the comments in this debate have been quite scathing and distracts from the message. We help progress understanding and learning by explaining rather than attacking. This post does this really well and is a great reference. Thanks

  20. Such a great response. Thank you.

    (As a side note, I’m excited to see a comment from my former bellydance teacher, Nadira Jamal. I started learning bellydance because I’d heard it was body positive and It’s awesome to see that my teacher really is!)

  21. Marjorie Ingall: Jess has said that she wrote the title. It comes from her journal, an entry written the day she got the test results from her doctor, and she agreed to have it be the title of the piec4.

  22. I know I’m a little late to the comment party here, but what really galls me about this is what Marianne at The Rotund has pointed out as pure status quo.

    Jess is pretending that wanting to lose weight ‘for health reasons’ is some huge taboo that women can’t admit to, when actually, that’s _exactly_ what women are supposed to be pursuing anyway. Especially the readers of Glamour!

    It’s not like she published this article in a hardcore feminist publication that’s only read by “confident, heavy women” (if such a thing even exists). Let’s face it, she published this in Glamour, which does not have an FA or HAES perspective to begin with, and which probably has diet and weight-loss articles in every issue! And then by saying that women have privately confessed to her that they feel the same way, she wants us to believe that admitting to wanting to lose weight is some kind of radical act that women aren’t allowed to pursue or even discuss. Isn’t this exactly how fat women are supposed to feel?

    I don’t get it, and her defenses (per Kate Harding) that it’s really about wanting to hold plank for one minute or run a marathon make me really angry.


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